I recently read that smiling increases levels of serotonin in the body – the happy natural drug. Apparently you can smile for no reason at all and you should feel happier. So when walking home tonight from a friend’s new house, I decided I’d smile the entire 5 minute walk home. At first – no wait, that’s a lie – the entire time I felt like an idiot. What was I smiling at? I felt like a smiling buffoon. Then I was reminded of someone I went to high school with. Her name was Emily and her most annoying feature was her 24/7 smile. I remember her getting taken out in soccer and she’d just pop up (literally) with that smile smeared across her face. I remember wishing I could see someone take that smile off of her… it was annoying. No one could smile that much (which I was reminded of when I actually got tired of smiling on the way home). Sure, Emily was pretty and her smile radiated her features… but why on earth would someone smile so goddamn much? I thought it was a facial defunct. Yet now, as I assess my own life and the stress I put on myself… I realize that I don’t smile nearly as often as I should. I’ll 1/2 smile at a lame joke or seriously smile when I’m tipsy but now that I come to think of it – I have no real “in-between” smile… you know, that genuinely happy look that some people have walking down the street in a daze? You see them and you think they must of just had a stroke of good luck to be smiling like that. But perhaps some people, like Emily, are just happy. I wonder if these smilers live in San Diego…

The point behind all this is that for whatever reason, I’ve been down and out recently. For no real good reason, I’ll back out of something and opt instead to nap with the dog or read (aka do nothing). With my 30 birthday around the corner, no life goals met or near to being met, living in the Pacific Northwest and abiding by the natural stressors life deals me… I have essentially become a 75 year old women too tired to have any fun. In a genuine effort to have that lust for life again – I am on a yes beth forward path. Yes beth is what my roommate Ryan refers to me when I agree to have fun. No beth is his name for me when I am either a road block to fun, unwilling to have or most likely, bailing out of fun. That stupid Jim Carrey movie had a point… that when you open yourself up to receive change and energy amazing things can happen. It won’t be overnight but perhaps it will be a lasting journey towards a life filled with smiling, naturally.  Wherever Emily is today, I hope she still has that annoying ass smile on her face. It makes me smile just thinking about it.


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